Music Heals
Music has been an integral part of my spiritual deconstruction. Music and lyrics make me ponder and relate in ways that only they can.
TW: suicide.
Photo by Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 on Unsplash
When I was a teenager; I had thoughts of suicide.1 I was in a controlling relationship, and I did not now how to say “no.” I was conflict avoidant and escaping life seemed easier than setting boundaries at 13 years old. There was this song, Tired of Being Alive by Danzig. In it there is a lyric that I would pause, rewind and play over and over:
And I’m tired of being alive
Spite of the bleeding
Rocking myself to sleep, listening to this refrain—a kind of reverse-mantra—were words that kept me alive. It was the first time I began to use music as catharsis, or cleansing. The words helped me feel seen and understood. They took the pain away.2 Of course, I wasn’t aware of that as a young teenager. Yet, it explains that the kinds of music I grew to love. Music that helped me through the complexities of adolescence.
Music continues to help me. Everytime I am experiencing emotions that might seem to much—fear, stress, anger—I am able to quell them to tolerable levels. Music helped me think about my spiritual trauma and deconstruction. Sometimes they were specific phrases that stick out, that give me pause:
I’ve been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand
Other times they can be chord progressions or moods. Tempos or rhythms. Music is still therapeutic.
Here is a playlist that I have started to create to showcase it. This is just for me, and I don’t expect many to pick up on it necessarily. But you never know. Enjoy.
What about you? Does music help? What songs or albums bring you peace? Feel free to share in the comments below.
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There is always help! https://988lifeline.org/ ↩